On Happiness

The following is the full text of a Talk I am giving in Church January 18th, 2009.  I likely will not get through it all, so I am publishing it all here in case anyone wants the full text:

“Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God.”   These are the words of the Prophet Joseph Smith.  And he is not alone.  Lehi said that men are that they might have joy; that is, men (and women) exist in order to be joyful.  Thomas Jefferson wrote the famous words that among our inalienable rights are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.  That august news source, the Onion, has remarked that Americans will frequently pursue happiness at the cost of everything else, even of Life and Liberty.  Alma called God’s plan for our lives, the Great Plan of Happiness. 

The content of my address today will be happiness and joy.  I have drawn my ideas from the General Conference addresses by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, President Thomas S. Monson, the work of psychologists on happiness, and the experiences of myself and that of others.  I chose this topic because of my own struggle to be happy.  Some people, and I am not among them, have a native cheeriness.  Others among us, it would seem, have a native disposition to melancholy.  Nevertheless, I believe that true joy is deeper than our native temperments; it transcends mere enjoyment or contentedness.  It pierces the very truth of our existence as spiritual beings.  As such, joy is available to all.

Before I proceed, let me say a few words about words.  In many respects, joy and happiness describe similar emotions, but they are not entirely synonymous; if they were, we likely would not need both words.  We have this profusion of words with similar and overlapping meanings because, among other reasons, no single word can truly encapsulate our experiences.  Joseph Smith once remarked that words and not sufficient to explain the truth, but they were all that we have.  And so, we throw an effusion of words and imagery trying, often vainly, to relate fundamental truths that can only truly be gleaned by direct experience.  Thus said the Prophet: “The things of God are of deep import, and time, and experience, and careful, and solemn, and ponderous thoughts can only find them out.  Thy mind, oh man, if thou wilt lead a soul unto salvation must stretch as high as the utmost heavens and search into and contemplate the darkest abyss and the broad expanses of eternity, thou must commune with God.” 

 One last aside before I continue on my theme by way of, I hope, illumination.  The deep and important doctrines are not the arcane teachings about Kolob or the origin of God or whether Adam had a belly button.  Rather, the sacred, immensely deep concepts of truth, mercy, love, hope, happiness, faith; these are the true “deep things of God,” as Paul calls them.  My proof text, if I may call it that, comes from the Savior who said to his accusers:

 “Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!  For ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cumin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.” 

To put our gospel lives in perspective, we must focus on the weightier matters, the deep principles of the gospel upon which hang all the other peripheral but no less true teachings and practices of the gospel, but we must not neglect these matters, rather, we must ground them in the roots of the tree.  Most of these often thorny doctrinal issues that some people, particularly in the age of blogs, have wasted hours and days debating are really of little importance for our salvation and everything we know about them from authoritive sources could be summarized in a paragraph or two.  Mercy and love, however, require entire volumes and lives to explore and even then the fountain is not tapped out.  

Let me begin by establishing my definitions of happiness and joy.  Then, though you may disagree with my delineations, you will at least know exactly what I mean.  Happiness is often fleeting.  It is the enjoyment we get out of the things we love to do.  Joy, however, represents a much deeper and more enduring connectedness to people and the world around us and a knowledge that we are where we need to be.  Happiness, to use an analogy, is what we feel when we receive a sought after gift.  Joy is the feeling we have when we give a sought after gift.  They are not mutually exclusive and frequently align, but Joy has the capacity to encompass suffering, as we mourn with those that mourn; love, as we serve those in need; and gratitude, as we learn to receive well and not just take.

 I have been pondering what it means to be happy and have joy in one’s life.  As I’ve defined them here, happiness is quite easy to achieve.  Simply do things you enjoy.  This sort of pleasure seeking, however, is hollow—I think no one would contend with this.  Such pleasure seeking leads to loneliness ultimately.  To achieve that lasting joy which can endure through sorrow, strife, and set backs requires work and it requires the Spirit of God, for we read that “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness[, and] temperance.” It is virtually impossible to extricate joy from the concepts of love, peace, hope, and faith.  They are intertwined and increase or decrease together.  There are other factors that will increase and help us complete and fill up our joy.  Indeed, Joseph Smith indicated that there is a path to lasting happiness and joy and the prophet Nephi wrote that his people lived “after the manner of happiness.”  Happiness is, I believe, simple, but that is not the same as being easy.  As Alma counseled his son, we must not grow slothful because God’s path is so simple that we almost forget we are on it.  We must daily recommit to it.  

It is the nature of God is to be joyful.  Alma says that wicked men are without god.  Being buffeted by their own desires and lusts, they are enslaved to their bodies.  They have gone contrary to the nature of God, whose child they are and hence from whom they have a divine inheritance, a spark of divinity that resides in embryonic form within each soul.  The natural man as described by the prophets, far from being the innate spirit of man, is rather the man given over to the natural world of bodily appetites.  Alma tells his son that those who are in this natural, carnal state “have gone contrary to the nature of God; therefore, they are in a state contrary to the nature of happiness.”  We are commanded to emulate the divine nature and hence we are commanded to be joyful. 

There are several things that experience, the scriptures, and the work of psychologists have shown to have either no influence on our joy or to have a negative influence.  Dr. Martin Seligman, former President of the APA and a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, has demonstrated in his work that intelligence, level of education, and good physical health have no impact on one’s ability to be happy.  Neither does money, provided that you have sufficient to provide for housing, food and other necessities.  In fact, several independent studies have shown that beyond this, money and wealth can actually have a slight negative impact on happiness.  Once you have enough, no amount of increase will make you happy.

Save for those who live in abusive or similar situations, we cannot suddenly become happier by moving or quitting our job or starting over.  Such false beliefs and expectations can injure our ability to be happy.  On my mission, I became acquainted with a man named Paul Cardon, who had been a bishop in Chataqua, New York.  He told me a story that I have never forgotten.  He said that while he was bishop, he frequently interviewed individuals and families as they moved into the ward.  Almost invariablely, they would ask him whether this was a “good” ward or not.  He never gave them his opinion, but rather asked them about the ward they had just moved from.  If they said, “It was a great ward; the people tried hard to live the gospel and to help one another; there were problems as there always are, but it was a great ward,” then he would say, “I’m happy to tell you that you will find this ward to be very similar."  If, however, they said that the ward they came from was a terrible ward full of hypocrites where no one helped out and no one– excepting themselves, presumably – was trying to follow the commandments, then he would say: “I’m sorry to tell you that you will find this ward to be similar.”  The amazing thing is that almost without exception, both groups of people would come to him later and tell him:  “Bishop, you were right.”  

People often see what they wish to see.  We condition ourselves to receive and remember those experiences and incidents that justify our expectations.  Negative emotions have a powerful pull on our memories.  We often focus on them, perhaps because we feel the need to protect ourselves.  Remembering that a particular individual has betrayed us protects us from being hurt by them again.  However, if we give too much weight to these memories, we distort our future perception.  We can become obsessed and harassed by our negative emotions and reminiscences forgetting that there is sorrow and joy in every life; abundance and scarcity exist side by side for all of us.  It is ironic that frequently in the midst of material abundance such as that in which we here in the US live, it becomes too easy to forget God and our relation to Him.  We suddenly believe that we are able to care for our selves. 

While intelligence has no effect on our happiness, knowledge does.  We cannot be saved in ignorance.  Nephi said of his arrogant, ignorant, irritable brothers: “And thus Laman and Lemuel, being the eldest, did murmur against their father. And they did murmur because they knew not the dealings of that God who had created them.” They had not studied the scriptures and the history of God’s dealings with men.  Therefore, when they saw prophecies revealed and miracles performed, they could not perceive them.  False understanding is damning to our souls and leads to negativity that halts our progress to be more like God and hence our ability to feel joy.  Ignorance and the arrogance to believe that we could not possibly be wrong in our understanding can be as damning to our souls as any grave sin.  To be happy, we must understand God’s character, His being, and his manner of dealing with His children.  To have joy, in short, one must search the scriptures and know God.  Hence, the Prophet Joseph Smith tells us to contemplate the heights and the abyss and commune with God in prayer if we are to bring our souls to salvation.  Alma tells us that on the morning of the resurrection, the righteous will be raised to a state of happiness, but this will be merely a continuation and perfection of the path they walked on earth.  Those who are joyful here will have joy in the hereafter and those who are miserable will be miserable still because they have gone contrary to the nature of God which is the nature of happiness. 

There are many things which will bring us joy.  In their recent general conference addresses, President Monson and Elder Wirthlin spoke about some of these things.   One of the keys to true happiness and joy is righteousness.  Lehi said to his sons: if there be no righteousness there be no happiness.  Elsewhere we read that wickedness never was happiness.  Joseph Smith echoed the same sentiment in the quotation with which I began.  Joy is a gift of the spirit and it enters our lives as we strive to do the will of our Heavenly Father.  Perfect joy would therefore follow perfect righteousness, but that is impossible.  

We read that the angels rejoice over the repentant soul and that we, too, will be filled with great joy when even one person repents and works righteousness.   It follows, then, that our joy would be great when we ourselves repent.  Repentance is nothing more or less than the opportunity to be today, better than we were yesterday; to leave our past behind us and improve.  Never forget that this gift is open to all.  Part of repentance is forgiveness.  If we do not forgive ourselves and those who have sinned against us, not only are we not fulfilling a commandment of God, but we are mocking the very mercy upon which we ourselves depend.  War is often easier than peace, because peace requires forgiveness and forgiveness requires humility and a mutual forbearance of others’ imperfections but unless and until we “put up” with others as they put up with us, there can be no lasting peace.  Pride refuses to forgive, believing instead that another’s action, far from being the tragedy that can damn that individual’s soul, has somehow damaged our own soul; and the ego cannot permit this.  Pride leads to fear which leads to anger which leads to war which leads to tragedy, but it preserves the ego intact in all its petty smallness and self-deluded, damning hell. We are all beggars at the mercy seat and the distance between my imperfection and God’s infinite perfection is no less insurmountable than is the distance between you and God, unless we repent.  

There are few things more destructive to happiness and joy than comparing yourself to others.  The Spirit when it enters into us begins to make of us new creatures, born of God and remade spiritually in His image.  We begin to take upon us the divine nature and we grow, as Peter describes, from faith to virtue, from virtue to knowledge, from knowledge to temperance, from temperance to patience, from patience to godliness, from godliness to kindness, and from kindness to charity.  Thus we through our spiritual progression make our calling and election sure and fill our souls with joy.  We must work to bring our natures in line with the divine nature if we are to find lasting joy; for, as Alma says, the nature of God is the nature of happiness.

Study the scriptures, learn about God and Jesus Christ and follow His example.  Learn to serve others and to care more for their welfare than for you own.  There is nothing so small and so pathetic as that soul which is wholly wrapped up in itself.  I know this, because I’ve been there.  It is a lonely and depressing place.  Even scientific studies have confirmed that friendship, socialization, marriage, and service are essential for happiness.  How this looks may be different for each person, I believe, for while principles are universal, details are not.  I will never, no matter how hard I try, ever be the affable and gregarious life of the party, but that is not required.  We can all find joy in the emulation of the life of the Savior. 

Paul said that sorrow is common to man.  Jesus himself is described of as a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.  Sorrow is an essential part of our mortal probation.  Joy consists not in ignoring or eliminating all sorrow from our lives, but in keeping our sorrow within perspective and finding God in our sorrows.  In fact, I believe that true and lasting joy is impossible without experience sorrow and grief.  Suffering can bring humility and bind us closer to our fellow beings.  Through our failures, we learn that we are dependent on God and on our fellow men and can leave forever behind the fiction that we are truly somehow able to live our lives completely in isolation.  We are told, for example, that the reason Christ is able to succor and help us all is because he suffered more than us all.  Suffering increases our capacity for empathy and consequently brings us closer to others which will in turn create bonds of friendship and without friendship we cannot have joy.  

Our trials also make us stronger.  In ancient Greece there was a man named Demosthenes who was famed for his oratory.  People would come from miles around to hear him speak (this was pre-TV, of course).  As a child, Demosthenes stuttered so severely that he could scarcely talk, but through hard work, he surpassed all his contemporaries.  Had it not been for his speech impediment, it is likely that he, like most of us, would have taken speech for granted.  Demosthenes was, in the words of Elder Sterling W. Sill, the greatest orator in all of Greece not in spite of his weakness, but because of it.  Our challenges and sorrows are what give us the humility to recognize and address of shortcomings and through Christ we find the strength to grow and become more like God and hence to find joy. 

Another godly trait we need in order to have joy is gratitude.  President Monson stressed this in his talk.  We can learn to accentuate the positive aspects of life and find joy and goodness even in the most trying of circumstances.  We must acknowledge God in all things:  “And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments.”  I used to struggle with this statement, because it seemed to imply that we should say that God caused little children to suffer or women to be abused.  I have come to see it another way, however.  The commandment to acknowledge God’s hand in all things is not a commandment to claim that God causes ever act of suffering, because that would require that we claim God is responsible for making people do wicked things.  Rather, it is a commandment to remember God and to see where He is when we are in the midst of our sufferings.  We must, in short, be grateful and find and highlight the positive.  Both the scriptures, ancient and modern, and the studies by Dr. Seligman confirm this.  Gratitude is one of the most powerful ways to boost our happiness.  It is a part of being optimistic, of emphasizing the good.  We remember the story of the ten lepers whom Christ healed.   When one returned to thank Jesus, he asked where the nine were.  When Christ was told that only this one returned, he turned to the man and said: Go thy way, thy faith hath made thee whole.  All were healed, but only one was made whole spiritually.  

Finally, true joy should be centered in the Savior.  He is the way, the truth, and the life.  His way is the path that leads to happiness and eternal life and it is the fruit of the tree of eternal life that is desirous to make one happy.  Perhaps because these are trying times, I was led to read the final words of Mormon to his son Moroni.  After reciting the horrible scenes of wickedness and death that surrounded them both, Mormon said this:  

“My son, be faithful in Christ; and may not the things which I have written grieve thee, to weigh thee down unto death; but may Christ lift thee up, and may his sufferings and death, and the showing his body unto our fathers, and his mercy and long-suffering, and the hope of his glory and of eternal life, rest in your mind forever.” 

Paul said that if we as Christians could only hope for the things of this world, then we were doomed to be miserable, because the life of a disciple does not lead one to the enjoyments of this life, but the joy of the eternal soul.  Perspective and patience is required for our joy to be full.  Christ has overcome this world and our Joy may be anchored in Him and in the hope of his mercy and kindness and patience with us, his errant children.

 One final thought on finding joy.  Do not give up.  For those that struggle, do not give up.  For those who find it easy, do not judge too quickly those for whom the path is not so simple.  The infinite goodness and perfection of God is equally distant for all of us.  We are all finite beings with struggles and challenges which we are called upon to bear.  Why some struggle where some prosper is a mystery, but what is clear is that we all called to bear up with one another: to dry the tears of the sorrowful, to bear up the burdens of the heavily laden, to bind the wounds of the injured.  It is a much graver sin to judge others in their weakness, than it is to combat, even unsuccessfully, our own failings.  We are not promised relief from sorrow in this world, nor release from the temptations and the weaknesses that beset us.  But, as C. S. Lewis said, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting it, not by surrendering.  Every battle, even those we lose, can build strength in us. The Pauline thorn may not pass away on this side of veil.  What we are promised, however, is strength for the journey, peace in our hearts, and the promise that all will eventually be made right and in that there is a comfort that cannot be denied.  Jesus Christ as the only sinless person, is also the only person who know to perfection how to resist temptation.  He has descended below all things becoming in his ignominious death, the lowliest of all and he has ascended above all things become master of all and so He encompasses all that lies between: the totality of our experience good and bad.  He knows how to succor the weak and the tired, because He has felt more what it is to be weak and tired than we could bear, but His perfection was not compromised and his mastery is not diminished.  I do not know everything.  In fact, the more I learn, the less I feel I know.  However, I cannot deny my testimony of the Book of Mormon and of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.   These two facts bind me to the testimony of my Savior and of His Church.  I cannot go anywhere else, because despite the weakness of us, the membership, this Church has the words of Eternal Life.  I hope and pray that I will continue to be humble enough to recognize this always.  Amen. 

I would like to close with one of my favorite poems, the Desiderata by the American Poet Max Ehrmann:

 

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, 
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, 
be on good terms with all persons. 
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; 
and listen to others, 
even to the dull and the ignorant; 
they too have their story. 
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; 
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, 
you may become vain or bitter, 
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. 
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. 
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; 
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, 
for the world is full of trickery. 
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; 
many persons strive for high ideals, 
and everywhere life is full of heroism. 
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. 
Neither be cynical about love, 
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, 
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, 
gracefully surrendering the things of youth. 
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. 
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. 
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, 
be gentle with yourself. 
You are a child of the universe 
no less than the trees and the stars; 
you have a right to be here. 
And whether or not it is clear to you, 
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, 
whatever you conceive Him to be. 
And whatever your labors and aspirations, 
in the noisy confusion of life, 
keep peace in your soul. 

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, 
it is still a beautiful world. 
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.